I’m Arixxxx, I suffer from deep depression and very serious anxiety (I get to hurt myself). I have suicidal tendencies, I don’t know how to explain it to you, it’s something that, while you are well, you are not, occupying the mind is part of the process to forget for a while, it’s distressing, sad, painful, INDIFFERENT. I fight against her since 12 years old, always searching alternative forms, I never liked the idea of using antidepressants (you can try alternative ways, such as dealing only with psychologists, and trying to distract yourself all the time by doing the things you love doing in your day to day). There was a point that I had to walk alone, but unfortunately I couldn't be alone without anything, that was consuming me, because I didn't want to accept. I moved to another city, lived with people that I didn't like
. I loved the preparatory cours that I was doing for med, but that fact was consuming me in a way... And I really tried. The only person that helped me was my best friend, that talked to me before anything and put me to sleep. I always had help through music, I was born in this environment, so I made music an escape valve, but when you're away from home, everything becomes very expensive, I couldn’t continue studying music, so I stopped, but the months.. the months were of crises, and worse and worse (6 months).
Chester is my idol from childhood, he encouraged me to study music, to have love for what I do, his death only made my depression worse (I had to go back to my house for a treatment), In these moments, we cannot expect that everybody understands us, it's an unfair disease that affects more than half the population, and that's one reason why you can expect nothing from others. Because it is very unfair, nobody around you will accept this, unless the person has been through the same thing, or a similar situation. It's not your fault, if you've had a trauma since childhood like me, it's really not your fault, it's the fault of those who caused you this, and regardless of whether it's your parents, or people, they're going to carry this on themselves the rest of their lives. I often say that people who don’t know you and who are on the other side of the world writing songs, are much closer to people around us, that's a fact. I never got a chance to see Chester, because when I bought the ticket, my dad just said, "No, it's useless, studying for medicine is a priority.". Well I tell you I never had a father, my father beated me everyday without motives, my mother had to grapple to buy clothes for me (she didn’t know how to be a mother too, but I don’t blame her), because he didn’t do that, I always was very lonely.
I suffered bullying. My father never gave me anything, my brother locked me every day for 1 hour in the room saying that I was a bastard. It hurts me not to have gone to this show, I would have given the world to go, but depending on him, I decided to respect, even my sister by part of mother, telling me to go.
I tell you, you are strong, you can, you will not try, you will, you will not think, you will act. Talinda you are an incredible woman, exposing yourself publicly to help who gave you love at this difficult time, I admire, you are an incredible woman, thanks for letting me feel at home with you guys. I love you.
Stay strong!
PT-BR:
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